Squishy :D

I'll start at the beginning.

The ska band that I wanted to drum for has a big birthday party for two of the members and they planned on playing for the party. The only problem the had was that they needed a drumer, so naturally I jumped at it. They said they'd keep me in mind after the audition and would call me later.

It turns out that they had another guy drumming for them, so I felt like telling them to go fuck themselves for lying to me. I told them that they drummer they had wasn't a reliable guy and that he'd leave eventually because he was in a different band that he was more prominent, all that aside from the fact that he doesn't like ska.

To sum it all up: he left, I laughed.

Anyways, I asked about they're party, and they said "You're drumming for us."

We've been practiced for the past couple of days, and we've just clicked. We've been having so much fun and we're all so musically talented that the stuff just comes to us. It's amazing.

Our first show is the party on the 10th. It's going to be awesome. I can't wait.
This is the line-up so far (in no particular order):
Trendy - Reel Big Fish
Where Have You Been? - Reel Big Fish
We're All Dudes - Less Than Jake
2-Tone Army - The Toasters
Santeria - Sublime
The Scinece of Selling Yourself Short - Less Than Jake
Beer - Reel Big Fish
Good Thing - Reel Big Fish
So Much For Rock And Roll - Reel Big Fish
She Has a Girlfriend Now - Reel Big Fish
Superman - Goldfinger
Sellout - Reel Big Fish
And two other songs that we've written ourselves.

A grand total of 14 songs, and we have a week to make sure they're all perfect. We're really going to be craming to get this done, but it's still fun. It's not like it's an obligation, it's actually what I look forward to during the week. :P

I'm just happy to be in a ska band where we're all friends and we just skank out and tear it up.
:D

One goal among many accomplished.

It's been a while. Whew.
I've been in a complete fluctuation of emotion as of late. I've gone from petrified, to terrified, to elated, to my current emotion: exhausted.

Let me give you the run-down.
Registration forms came out about a month or so ago and it's been chaotic ever since, with adolescents running from teacher to teacher asking for approval and signatures. I finally finished my schedule today, through much worry and contemplation. Twas difficult, but I made it. Junior year, I await thee.

I signed up for Mu Alpha Theta, so that'll be fun for the college people.

My AP World History teacher told me that I wouldn't get into college because I was taking American History standard over the summer, because only standard is offered. I planned to take it with Graham and then do Law Studies and Sociology next year. He's just an asshole.

I got my signatures for the two AP Science classes (Chemistry and Physics B) and applied for AP Language and Composition. Unfortunately, according to Mrs. Cobb, I don't have the "correct work ethic" and a C+ average, which don't quite qualify. Because of this, I had to take the AP induction test. A two part test, 15 multiple choice questions on a passage and an essay. I was so scared; I thought I failed it. However, after two days of nerve-racking wait, I got the results back, and I passed. I was so happy. I also met someone new because I was so happy I accidentally bumped into their locker and said "Sorry, I'm just really happy, I made it into AP Lang. Hi, I'm Josh."... I forget her name though... oh well.

I also turned 16, so that's cool. On top of that I was hired at Toucan Willies as a busser/disher, even though I'm mostly dishing. It's nice, I find dishing relaxing. I sort of zone out when I'm working, and when it's time to go I'm normally like "What? Already?"

Oh! 6 more days until I can get my license! I'm excited. February is just turning out to be a good month for me... aside from it being black history month and all... just kidding!

My schedule is finished, so I'm happy (not the exact order for next year):
AP Language and Composition
AP Chemistry
AP Physics
Pre-Calculus Advanced
Law Studies/Sociology
Band

American History (Summer school)
Life Management/Physical Fitness (Online)

Aside from that, Graham helped me build my library with some Reel Big Fish, so that makes me incredibly happy. That and Streetlight Manifesto, so yay. Because of that, I keep getting inspired to make a ska band again. I've been trying for 5 years, so why not again eh? I was talking to my friend and she said "Why don't you make fliers or posters?" and it just smacked me in the face. I couldn't believe I'd never thought of that before... :P
I made fliers and I'll hang them up tomorrow or Monday. I also sent out a message on myspace, so we'll see how that works out. I'm relying on February being the best month ever to pull through one more time and get this thing going.

Alas, I will bring this to an end. I'm pretty sure I've covered just about everything that's been important to me so far, and if I missed something... well... fuck it. Mmk.
I'll write some more later... maybe... if you're lucky.
:P

Long nights can be... well, long... and dull. Hense this entry.

This past week has been on the verge of unbearable, rescued, realized that it actually does suck enough and thrown back on the verge. Though there have been attempts to save it.

I've been reading George Orwell's "1984" which is good, but I just need to get focused on it and work toward finishing it instead of falling asleep in the middle.
I also watched "A Scanner Darkly" with Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson, Winona Ryder, and Rory Cochrane. I found it to be interest and mysterious, all around enticing. You should go see it. No really go, I'll wait...
...
...
...
...

See? Wasn't it good?

Uhm, aside from that, a friend of mine promised to give me a PS3 for christmas, so that's exciting. We'll see if she actually falls through with it (god I hope so, that'd be fuckin' amazing).

There's also been a lot of "apparently"s in my life as of late. Apparently I'm getting that PS3, and apparently I'm going up to Tennessee for spring break to visit friends, but it's supposed to be a car pool with my other friends, so it might actually go through, though it was sort of thrust upon me without my choice, which kind of pissed me off, but I know we'll talk about it later so I'm not too angry at all. And somehow I'm going to work up the money to go see 5 to 8 movies over the summer, so that'll be fun.
The line-up:
The Transformers Live Action Movie
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (also looks like a live action movie)
Spiderman 3!! Oh yesh.
Fantastic Four 2, Rise of the Silver Surfer (only for the Silver Surfer. I know the first one really sucked, but I think they might redeem themselves with this one... Just maybe... if they're lucky.)
The Simpsons Movie in 2-D!
and many more that will be added to the list with time. This summer will be a great summer for movies. I'd probably advise getting a job at a movie theater, they're going to get mass income. :P

Uhm... I've been doing alright I suppose. Girlfriend is in New Jersey, so I get to chill with... Graham? :P
Other than that, it's been a pretty dull week, I've been watching movies and playing video games.
Speaking of movies, I bought four new ones: Lucky Number Sleven, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Grandma's Boy, and Thank You for Smoking. Sadly enough, I'm not done buying, I'm planning on going out to go get Little Miss Sunshine, Zoolander, and many others that just aren't coming to mind right now.

OH! I deleted something off my computer and now my audio doesn't work. Isn't that great?!? Not only that, but Jordan accedentally fell on my mom's laptop and broke the screen worse than mine, so now Jordan's is the only one that works... well.. the screen.

I suppose that's it... for now at least. I'll write more whenever my bordom hits a new all-time low. :P
Peace.

Oh man... uhg... right when things lighten up, everything else piles on.
Metaphorically speaking of course.

But yeah, Showcase just finished today, though today's concert was the worst of the three. Whatever, I'm happy it's over. At the end, we would play our marching show, and my friend in guard was crying at the end because that would be the last time she would be able to "march" it again because she's going into surgery for her spine. I gave her a big hug, but then I had to go play again, so I told her everything was going to be okay, and then went off.
She came and found me again (after the concert) and dropped everything and stood there with her arms spread open like a small child (she's about 5 foot exact, so it helps with the imagery). So I picked her up and let her cry in my arms. She told me she wanted Angelica and I to be with her after her surgery, and I told her that we'd be there for sure.

Blah, so that's one little piece of drama. Youth group is... interesting. I'm not even there most of the time, but I always hear of all this shit that's going on, and it sucks. Some people have left because they hate being there now; they can't stand it anymore. I don't know what's happening, but I don't want to go in and totally attack them. Graham is having a hard time with them apparently. He wants me to come back so that the both of us can work together to change the flow of things so that we can enjoy going.
I feel bad about this. It sucks that this is happening to group. I've talked with the group at least 2 times about how things are getting worse for everyone, and now people have actually left.
I want to go back to work on things, but I don't have as much time as I need. Hopefully things will let up this upcoming weekend and I'll be able to go.

Blah... other than that, I have to usual crap to deal with: schoolwork, friends, family, trying to make time for everything, scouts (which I've recently become incorperated back into), and just cleaning (which I've tried to avoid).

I made a cake today... in the microwave... It tasted alright, but it was also really hot. Chocolate mud cake, nummy nummy.
Blah.
I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and you all will finally hear it: It was good.
I thought that the Jack vs. Kraken could've been more intense or heroic, but it was still really cool. I didn't like how he just sort of stood there while it ate him... maybe a dramatic lunge... whatever.
Twas good.

I'm getting back into The Used again, :D
A Box Full of Sharp Objects. Hooray.


Uhm... yeah.
I turn 16 on February 1st!
And
I get my licence on February 15th!
And
I'm done.

My friend is having her sweet 16, and I'm invited. We're working together for an opening surprise, which is going to be quite possibly the most intense dance I've ever done.

We're making the whole thing up as we go too, like... we have a structure that we're going through, but we just start adding what we want in when it feels like it fits. We have about a minute and 20 seconds of dance, and we're so tired by then end of it. :P

It's supposed to be a salsa dance, but it has some ballroom dancing in it, and some swing dancing (the flip through the air stuff, so yeah...) and some cool head spin that is really neat. It's very... interesting. :P
Definitely not something you would expect, so that's good.

But yeah, we practiced all of that stuff for 6 hours today, and the swing thing is the most tiring I think. But yeah, it's fun, I'm happy we're doing it. I have a recording of it, and I think I look retarded from a bystanders view, but when I'm dancing it feels really cool because everything sort of fades out and all that I hear is the music and our movement. :D It's oodles of fun. :P

So yeah... that's why my arms are dead.


Aside from that... I actually am on the verge of losing credit in AP World History. They draw the line at 10 days, and I have 9, so I have to show up every day for the next two weeks. Not too hard... Kinda sucks though, those days added up quickly.
Oh well... I've definitely missed more than that though, he just hasen't noticed, lucky me. :P

Yeah.. I'm dead tired. I'm going to sleep. Call if you need anything, I suppose.
Night.

ARGH!! I skipped school today, I couldn't get myself out of bed.
I need to stop doing that... I'm probably on the verge of losing credit. Whatever.

Showed up at school around 2:45 to take an extra-credit test for math, and then visited the band room. My friend Jake was there, and he told me to come listen to his band. Turns out that it's a ska band. Jealousy!!! ARGH!!

I've only wanted to form a ska band since 6th grade, about 4 or 5 years ago. Awesome. They were really good too. I was really suprised. They had one song, but I suppose one is better than none.

After that, I decided to go home (around 5:30, :P) but I was interupted by some friends of mine who were practicing for guard tryouts. They made me do some guard stuff, and I was pretty good if I do say so myself. *self-satisfied look*. I learned how to throw a flag, but then quickly forgot how shortly after. :P
I actually thought about joining guard, but then I decided that drums would be better for my ego, and more fun.

Yep. I've been avoiding work... which is bad. I have a test tomorrow... I need to study for that. Alright... I guess I'll go do that.
Peace.

I need a job. Not because I need something to take up time (lord no...), but because I need money, and my constant questioning for money is starting to become annoying to my mom and even me. I feel way to financially co-dependent. Answer! Get a job.

I have a friend (friend?! Whoa!) who's mom works at Toucan Willies as a manager. My mom also knows the co-owners; they're really good friends. Sooo yeah. Hopefully that will work to my advantage, and I will hopefully be raking in some ammount pleasing ammount.

It'd be nice to actually fill that stupid glass that I keep money in instead of constantly digging into it for some spare greens. I should start putting money into my saving's account too... That'd be helpful in the long run.

I talk about all of this and it's probably never going to happen (the saving money and saving's account thing).


Yeah... so that's it.
Plan now: Shower, work, sleep.
Fun!

I've been really busy lately, so that's my excuse for not writing in this thing for so long.

Uhg. Tons of changes and revamps. I'm exhausted, partly due to the fact that I'm running on 3ish hours of sleep. Blah.

SOOOOOOoooOOOOoooo... Yeah. In an angry backlash of rebellion and a lot of not-thining-it-all-the-way-through, I pierced my lip. Though I did like it for a bit (about 14 hours), I took it out since it started to swell and I just thought it looked kind of stupid.
Designed a tattoo that embraisses my meaning of life and moral values. Hopefully it wont turn out to be the same story as the lip ring. I really like it though, it was created by me, about me, and it looks cool on top of that (because Japanese symbols automatically constitute for coolness points). So when I'm 18, I will be getting a tattoo on my back that will depict my "meaning" in life. Yay.

Uh... Bought 'Mein Kampf' as well as 'Night' by Elie Wiesel. The latter is an assigned book that I'm falling behind on, unfortunatly, while 'Mein Kampf' just sort of caught my eye. I never really gave much thought about actually looking into reading why Hitler did what he did, so I presume that when I dive into this book (which will be anywhere from now to 10 years from now [and about the same time to finish]) I hope to find some insight and understanding.

As for school-work, I'm still swamped and dying slowly. Hopefully I'll catch up, but not right now... I'm tired... which is reason enough for me to not work on things.
So yeah. Other than that, school is going alright. Still hating my WHAP teacher for making us run the class while he just sort of sits there and does nothing, while still receiving the paycheck... grrrr... Hopefully karma will hit him. :P

My friend invited me to her Sweet 16, so I'm excited about that. She actually asked me to open with her on the first dance, which was surprising but kind none-the-less. I accepted the offer and I get to go practice soon. Fun.

Teal Sound (DCI corps.) auditions on Saturday. I don't know if I'm going to actually go through with the whole thing. I'm probably going to tryout, see how I did, and never show up again, :P. If they turn me down then that'll be less that I have to deal with, so that's cool. It'll be fun though.
So yeah.

Alright, I'm off, I have much work to get finished, and hopefully I'll get some more sleep.
Peace.

Friday:
Hug Eb
Look for outfit
Get a manicure while waiting for Eb to finish her pedicure
Go home
SLEEP

Saturday
Wake up to mother's bitching
Go back to sleep
Wake up to Graham shoving me awake and realize I have to go canvasing.
Go canvasing
Get home
Go to sleep
Wake up to the feeling of someone hugging me and realize it's Eb
Go hang out
Get ready for homecoming
Have hair done by Eb, then Dottie, then Mother
Throw on clothes
Go to friend's house for pictures
Leave friends house to come to my house for pictures
Go to homecoming
DANCE!!!
Leave homecoming
Sleep over at friend's house next to my buddies. :D
Wake up many times throughout the night to different sounds

Sunday:
Wake up
Do something...
Get some food
Work on homework
Mess around with friends *giggle giggle* :P
Watch movie
Do homework
Have hair put in pigtails
Go out to Panara Bread in pigtails
Mess around at Panara
Go home
Sit in front of laptop typing
Go and hang out with Caitlin
Sleep
:D

Homecoming was soooooooooooooooooo much fun. I enjoyed it a bunch.
I'll get some pictures up later, either on myspace or on here.
Peace

I hate it when dogs shit next to my pathway leading to my shed so that when I just miss the step or trip, I step in it. The worst part is, I don't notice until I've entered my room, left my room, and almost made it inside the house (when I'm wearing shoes. If not then I notice right away and still get just as angry).

GAH!!!
I'm going to go on a throat-slicing extravaganza. No dog is safe... that has a gimpy knee and pisses on the floor constantly.
If your dog doesn't fit into one of those two categories, then alas, it shall be spared...


Uhhhhhh...
In other news: Girl is hit in the face with a bat that was swung hard enough to shatter and break over her face. The suspect, unknown, fled from campus after the incident. This was apparently an accident, but the only way I can see it being one is that the guy was swinging with his eyes closed. The force that it would take to break it would've been pretty strong... you'd think people would take more percaution with that. *shrug*

So yeah, I left 6th period to see a giant group of people around a body on the ground. Poor girl... she was airlifted out of the school and can't make it to homecoming. I'm worried about how she'll take the scars or breaks; she looked like a person who was very conscious about their looks. :/
I hope she'll recover soon.

Exhilerating! :P

Eb comes home tomorrow, and we go shopping in the afternoon! Yay.
Homecoming tomorrow.
Sleep now.
Night.

Since these livejournals are just oh-so fun to express emotion: here I go.

So for the past couple of nights, I've been sleep deprived. Nothing new, it's just really aggrivating when I have to try to say awake during classes or even when I'm trying to get work done at home.

Caitlin and I haven't exactly been on super terms, so that's just... great...
She was talking to me about her problems and the such and I tried to help as much as possible.
I've been sleep deprived, like I said before, so that doesn't help with my AP class in the morning, and that's not good. I'm trying very difficultly to stay "in the running" for this class, but it's so hard when I don't even know the chapter I'm supposed to be working on because I've been up too long trying to work on stuff.
I've been out of marching because of that pulled muscle, and it's still just as bad. The doctor actually told me to take a urine test, so I did, and it turns out there are white blood cells in my urine (That's bad). So he said I needed a prostate exam. Turns out I have a prostate infection.
I'm also not allowed to march (again) for the next week.
After the exam, I came home and cried for half an hour, fell asleep, and woke up at 7ish. I wanted to die.
I have a bunch of homework to do and not enough time.
My family is constantly aggrivating me or trying to help, which it never does because I'm trying to get through this on my own.
Ha, Caitlin's parents are pissed with me. At least that's what it sounds like from the message on my cell phone.
I'm taking even more pills now. They're much larger this time.
Aside from all of that, I suppose I'm doing alright, but then again, lets recap.

Josh's current life analysis: My life fucking sucks.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I still feel like I want to die. My life is going horribly. Nothing is making life any better.

So there's the story. I have a fair share of my own problems, so that's why I don't want to listen to anyone elses right now.

"Once you've hit worst, life can only get better"
I challenge that statement. Maybe I just haven't arrived at worst yet, but I can see it from here.

According to the family physician, I "pulled a muscle in my ballsack".
Odd, I wasn't aware that I had muscles in that area.

Either way, I'm not allowed to march for the next week, or wear boxers. I also have to take a 400mg dose of Ibeprofen every 6 hours, or when I feel anguish in my crotch.

Fun.

Sooooooooooo... that's about it.
I got to see Justine while she was back. Always a fun fun. :P
I love Justiney! :D She's my favorite lesbian, and I, her 2nd favorite gay man. :P

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was good. I liked it. Very funny.

Youth Group isn't feeling like a home anymore. I'm considering not returning. I'm going to keep trying, but if the problem persists then I doubt I'll show up again. :/

Bleh.
Other than that. I'm kind of all weird. My emotions are out of wack and I need to settle them out.

I looked at my fortune from a fortune cookie and it said "Don't slam the door closed, you may want to go back in."
That hit dead solid. I'm very unsure of my course of action.
:/

I wish I knew what to do...

I'm a very determined person.
Either that or something is wrong with me.
Bleh.
I freak out when I miss school and I can't sleep until I've finished homework.
I was up until 3 last night reading the chapters for a test that I didn't take yet, but I'm taking tomorrow.
I'm very stubborn too.
Whatev'

New thing in band that I really want to do, but it's looking iffy right now; it makes me sad. Hopefully it'll work out.

My cat is insane; it's currently attacking my mother's hand. Such a simple life, full of amazement; it must be wonderful.

Argh, I'm going to bed.
GOODNIGHT!!
Zzzzz.

I'm so angry right now.
I almost woke up and started crying.
I looked at the clock, saw that it was 8:30ish and threw the clock across the room.
This isn't right; I can't fucking wake up in the morning for christ's sake. How is it possible I've been able to wake up after only four hours of sleep for the past couple of days and not today? I suppose the lack of sleep could pile on, but not to the amount that I forget to flip a goddamn switch on my alarm clock that determines if I'll wake up very tired or very angry.

I can't keep missing my first and second period classes. I now have 4 absences in first, and 3 in 2nd. Goal number one shot down.
Goddamnit.

Well, things are going just swell.
As sarcastically as I can write that down.

Well, tomorrow I was going to go to Tampa, but it looks like that plan was cancelled. :/
I get to wait until winter break to go see her... maybe.
Whatever.
I'll get to see her sometime.
I feel worse off for her, she sounded really really pissed when I talked to her on the phone. :/
Meh, we'll get over it, I suppose.

So that blew up in my face and I was told twice to "Plan ahead of time".
... Even though I planned for it about a week in advance.
That's the biggest thing that bothered me.
It made me feel like no one cares what I try to do.
:/

On top of that, the notes are going horribly. I have about 52 pages left of notes, and they're due Monday. I'm confident, but then again I was confident I'd finish the Count of Monte Cristo too...
Whatever.
*shrug*

Yeah, so this night is going just awesome.
I'm baby-sitting, and with the way things are shaping up, with my luck, I might not even get paid for some inconceivable reason.

My mom tried to appologize (over the phone) for my not getting to go see Eb and I just shrugged it off and said "It's okay."
I think that's a problem with me.
I let things just push over and I don't do anything to stand up for what I want. I just let people say no instead of do something about it; and when I can't do anything I just say "It's okay" and sort of sulk away.

I need to be more exuberant and rebelious. >:| <--- That's my serious face.

Blah. Whateve' yo.
The party last night was a lot of fun. Some girl claimed my stomach with a sharpie when I was asleep... I washed it off in the shower :P

I transformed a scarf into a headband and it goes quite well with my chinese attire.

I need chinese shoes....